Scared

Everybody please pray/cross your fingers for me. I thought we were through with all of this, but I have a bad feeling we might not be. I JUST got home from Portland and had a message from St. Johns to call because Dr. Kim wants another MRI. I called them and I have to go in tonight at 9. I asked what the deal is and the guy said that they want to scan my hip and get both sides. He said that if the other side looks like my right side, everything is fine, but if it's different, something is wrong. I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack. And even worse, there was another message from Dr. Kim, but being that it's 8:15, I can't get ahold of him now until Monday. Please, please, PLEASE let this MRI be normal. Please let my left side look the same as whatever Dr. Kim is worried about. I'm feeling almost back to normal, I can't imagine having to go through everything again.

Before I got home, I was feeling pretty good about life. My appointment with Dr. Hayden went very well. He said I'm doing a great job at growing the bone in my femur (maybe that's why I've been so tired!?) and the scans today compared to the last time I saw him look so much better. The bone looks almost normal again. Last time it looked like it had a big hole in it!

Alright, time to go get ready for my MRI. Not looking forward to spending my Friday night with an IV in my arm and getting an MRI for over an hour. :(

Today I had my radiation planning. They had me lay on the table and they took x-rays, marked my leg where they'll be doing the radiation and took measurements of everything. I have to be in the exact position that I was in today every day when I go for radiation. I start on Monday at 3:50. I'll have to go everyday at that time for (hopefully only) 4 weeks. Should be interesting!

Yesterday I had an MRI. It was HORRIBLE! I ended up being in the tube for about 2 1/2 hours. They did the first series of pictures then they decided they needed more and then they had to pull me out and put an IV in for contrast shots. I didn't think I was going to be able to lay there. It was only supposed to be 40 minutes, but because they decided they needed more pictures, it ended up taking so much longer. Hopefully that's the last MRI I'll have to have! The dictation still hadn't been done for it when I went to my radiation planning appointment this morning. Hopefully the idiot who read my first MRI wont be reading this one! I still get mad just thinking about the fact that my first MRI was read wrong. If my pain had gone away, I would've been totally misdiagnosed! And being that my cancer is pretty fast-moving, who knows where it would've spread to. If anyone in Longview reading this ever has to have any type of imaging done, let me know and I'll tell you who read mine so you can request that he not read yours! :)

Tomorrow is my last appointment of the week. It's at OHSU with the orthopedic oncologist. I saw him after I fell and he wanted to see me again to take more x-rays and see how the fracture looks. I'm hoping that 1) he says I can do the 5K LIVESTRONG walk, 2) he OKs me to start using it more--like for exercising and 3) he gives me the OK to wear heels again. :)

Besides being really tired still, I'm feeling pretty good. The impetigo is even starting to go away! Thank goodness! I think that's been one of the most annoying things I've had to deal with throughout all of this!

The only thing I'm worried about right now is the fact that I've been having night sweats really bad. This was one of the things they always asked me right after I was diagnosed--it's a symptom/sign of lymphoma, but at the time, I hadn't experienced anything like that. I don't know why I would be now, but it scares me. Another thing is the fact that Dr. Kim looked at the MRI from yesterday and said he can still see the tumor. I thought it would be gone after all of the chemo. He said the difference between the first MRI and this one is like night and day, but still....I want it all gone. :(

Goodbye, Chemo. Hello, Radiation.

Chemo is officially OVER! They had me scheduled for chemo today just in case, but Dr. Nichols said no way. I'm done! And it feels oh-so-good. Mom, dad and Kim all went with me to my appointment. He said the chance of the cancer coming back ever again is slim-to-none. I truly feel like I lucked out. Getting cancer was far from lucking out, but I am so lucky to have caught it so early and to have gotten such a curable type. Now it's on to radiation. I'll be doing that in Longview since it will be everyday for 4-6 weeks. I have an appointment with the radiation doctor tomorrow morning at 10:30. I think it's just to talk about the plan of attack and decide when it needs to be started. I have my next CT scan on Tuesday, so we'll get to see my beautiful femur WITHOUT a huge tumor! Dr. Nichols said it might be hard to see how much of it is gone because my bone is broken and it's still in the healing process. However, I have no doubt that the chemo kicked my cancers butt. Just the fact that I have no pain and I'm able to walk again is a pretty good indication.

After our appointment with Dr. Nichols I had to go to see a dermatologist about my arm. It's developed into a horrible infection and it's making me miserable. I wake up constantly during the night, it burns, it's ooozing...it's nasty. They originally thought it was shingles, but turns out it's not. The dermatologist said I have impetigo, a bacterial skin infection. He put me on antibiotics, so hopefully it clears up soon.

I got an e-mail today about the LIVESTRONG Challenge. It's a 5K walk/run on June 29 in Portland. I really want to do it. Obviously I wont be running, but I think I could manage the walk. I think I'm going to start a team, so if you're interested in doing it with me, let me know!

Lots has happened since I last wrote. I turned 25, my car insurance is now $300 cheaper a year because I turned 25, Joe and I went to LA, Joe turned 25 yesterday, and most importantly, they took my PICC line out today!!!

My birthday was low-key but good. We all went out to dinner and I got some pretty cool gifts including new earrings, a super cute Coach hat from Kim & George and my favorite thing, a day at the spa from Joe.

Joe and I ended up being able to go to LA, despite the fact I wasn't feeling very good. We had a blast! We also ended up going to San Diego on Saturday. We got back last night around 11. We stayed near LAX so we drove around Loyola Marymount, where I went to school my freshman year. It's hard to believe it's been six years since I lived down there! It was fun to reminisce and drive around campus. I wanted to walk around, but we happened to pick a very bad day: graduation. We could barley even drive around! LA is fun, but I wouldn't ever want to live down there again. It's crazy! Traffic, people everywhere....I would go crazy having to put up with that everyday. Joe's birthday was yesterday. We slept in, hung out in the sun and had dinner at the Cheesecake Factory in Marina del Rey before our flight left. I'm so glad we were able to still go, it was a much needed getaway for the two of us.

I was feeling pretty crappy last week but I'm not sure if it was from chemo or from having shingles or both. I've developed a horrible scary looking rash/grossness on my arm where my PICC line was. I had to go have them look at it today and they decided it was ok to take it out. I don't have tubes hanging out of my arm anymore! My arm is pretty infected though. It's dripping puss. It's so disgusting, not to mention miserable. It's swollen, it burns....I think it's a good thing they took it out. I think the bandages were irritating everything even more. I just hope the grossness goes away soon....I want to be able to wear short sleeves!

I have my next appointment with Dr. Nichols on Wednesday morning. Hopefully all goes well and we can start radiation within the next few weeks. I'm so ready for all of this to be over and done with! I have my next appointment with Dr. Hayden, the orthopedic oncologist at OHSU, next Friday the 30. Hopefully he'll say I'm good to go and can start exercising again. And wear heels again! I had heels on today but Joe caught me and made me put on my running shoes before I went to work... :(

Alright, that's my update. I'll post pictures from our trip eventually. I just don't have the energy now. The littlest tasks seem so huge to me nowadays. Yet another great side effect of chemo!

Oh yeah, one more thing. I love being bald. I just put on my wig (or hat) and go! I almost get ready as fast as Joe now! :)

Just call me Auntie Katie!

That's right...I'm going to be an aunt! Kim and George surprised us yesterday with the news that they're expecting! It's still early, she's only a little over four weeks along, but we're all SO excited! They had the coolest way of telling everyone. We were all down in Vancouver at their house for Mother's Day brunch and all of us and the DeCarlo's were there. She brought out two presents for the moms and told them to open them at the same time. Inside was a frame. One side had a picture of the embryo (she had to do IVF), and the other side was a poem that Kim wrote. It started with "Dear Grandma..." It was SO exciting! Everyone was yelling, crying, running around. We all thought she found out today if she was pregnant, so they did a really good job of hiding it. I'm going to be an aunt!! The due date is January 13. YAY! I can't imagine how exciting and emotional it will be to see that baby for the first time. They (and all of us) have waited for this for so long!

Unfortunately, during all of this excitement, I because the party puker. I was so sick. I couldn't keep anything down, not even water to take my anti-nausea meds. I had to call the on-call doctor and he told me to go to the ER. So that's where we went when we got home. We drove straight to St. John's and I was there until about 11. They had to give me meds through an IV and hydrate me. I feel like I've been hit by a truck today and I'm scared to death to try to drink/eat anything for fear that I'll start puking again. I don't understand why this is happening! Hopefully it doesn't happen at work today. I really need to make it at least 1/2 day.

Alright, just wanted to share the exciting news! I'll post pictures later. I don't have enough energy to do it right now! I can't wait to meet Baby DeCarlo!

Paranoid...

...about spelling words wrong on here! My dad just pointed out that I spelled "brake" break. So now I feel really stupid, especially since spelling words wrong is one of my biggest pet peeves! From here on out, please excuse any words that aren't spelled right...I really blame it on the chemo!

That's all. Apparently I need to consult with my editors (Dad, Kim) before I write more. :)

Yay!

I passed my driving test today! And as you can see, with a 96%! I would've gotten 100% but I forgot to put the parking brake on when I parked on the hill. Whoops. Anyway, thank goodness I passed. And shame on them for making me take it because I have cancer!

Chemo graduation day!

Today is my last day of chemo! We just met with Dr.Nichols and now I'm starting my last long day of chemo in the infusion room. Today I'm locked up in my own private room...I have shingles!! I've had a rash but didn't think much of it but it's shingles. Dang it! I think he thought it might be chicken pox (I've never had them before) but it's only on my arm. I have to take antibiotics five times a day for it.

Just another little bump in the road, not a huge deal! My wish today is that this last treatment doesn't make my eyebrows/eyelashes fall out. I haven't lost any so far! The picture below is me waiting to get hooked up to start chemo. I don't feel like I stick out like a sore thumb when I go hat-less here! My dad thinks I look like him when he was younger, and my mom gets upset when I don't have a hat/wig on. She said it's really reality to see me without hair. I like it though! I save SO much time in the morning!! I'll probably be sad when my hair grows back! Anyway, I hate being isolated in this room! I love to be out and visiting with all of the nurses/patients. Check out that beautiful quilt! Thanks, Judie...I love it!

Almost done!

Unless my PET scan doesn't come back normal next week, my LAST chemo is Wednesday! I'm so excited, yet scared at the same time. For the last few months I've been monitored constantly. I feel like after Wednesday it wont be that way, I'll be done and let free. It's a scary feeling! I have to be at Providence at 8:30 on Wednesday. I'll meet with Dr. Nichols before chemo to figure out the next steps. He probably wont be certain until after my scans come back but as far as we know, I'll have about a three week break and then I'll start radiation. Radiation will be everyday for 4-6 weeks. This experience has definitely me a stronger person. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I'd be spending my 25th birthday recuperating from a chemo treatment. I guess that goes to show how fast your life can change. Enjoy every minute of it!

Joe and I had an awesome weekend! On Friday we went for dinner with Jenny and Casey and on Saturday morning we drove to Tacoma and spent the rest of the weekend with his family. We also celebrated his best friend Nick's birthday Saturday night. It was so good to get to see so many people in such a short amount of time!

Besides being totally exhausted, I've been feeling pretty good lately. No sicky chemo side-effects and the cold or allergies or whatever I had seems to be gone, so it's been nice. Hopefully I have a couple more good days. Last chemo I started feeling bad on the way home....hopefully it wont happen so fast this time around! My biggest frustration right now is my lack of energy. I slept from 1:30-4:30 this afternoon and again from 9:30-midnight. I do good at work until about 1. I haven't been able to make it longer than that yet. It's torture! Another thing that's driving me crazy is my short-term memory. It's gone! It's so weird! They mentioned "chemo brain" and troubles with short-term memory, but for some reason I didn't think it would happen to me. Ya right! It's horrible. I'll be talking and totally forget what I was going to say! Hopefully this is just temporary!

Alright, time to go back to bed. I woke up with my leg hurting and then I started thinking about chemo on Wednesday and couldn't go back to sleep. I get freaked out when I have leg pain. Hopefully it's the chemo kickin' the cancers butt and not the other way around. I'm dreading chemo this time more than the first two. It's so hard to go get injected with poison for 6 hours knowing how it makes me feel, especially when I feel so good right now.

Hope everyone had a good weekend!

livestrong.org

I've become a big fan of Lance Armstrong throughout all of this cancer stuff. And not just because he was treated by my doctor...and not because he's smokin' hot. :) It's because of his LIVESTRONG foundation. I wear my yellow bracelet everyday and live by those words. Getting through this has so much to do with attitude, having a bright yellow bracelet just keeps me on track when I start to get bummed out or I'm having a day where I don't think I can take it anymore.

A few weeks ago I was looking on the livestrong.org website and found the Survivor Notebook. I thought it was pretty cool...it has a section to keep track of health records, a health journal, place to keep important papers, etc. I thought it was even cooler when I realized it was free! I ordered it, only having to pay for shipping, and it came today. I'm pretty excited about it! They even sent me two packages of wrist bands!

I like to talk about these things just in case any other cancer patients stumble across my blog...I've learned a lot from reading other patient stories, so hopefully this blog can be something more than just me complaining about feeling crappy!

I was able to work (from work) Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. I was just too miserable to go today though. I've been fighting a cold (or allergies?), but today it got the best of me and I'm afraid to report I think it's going to my chest. I feel like it's hard to breathe. My blood counts are extremely low right now, so I have to be so careful I'm not exposed to anything. I just hope this doesn't turn into anything more. I've been miserable for a week now! I want this to be better before I get attacked with chemo again next week!

Speaking of chemo, my LAST (crossing my fingers) chemo is next Wednesday!!! Let the countdown begin! I can't wait for this be be over with. I'm even more excited for my PICC line to be out. I woke up yesterday with imprints on my face from the stupid tubes!

Those little white things are what made the marks on my face. Those are also what they use to plug me in. When Joe saw it he said it looked "wicked." I agree. I still can't look at it. I have to have it covered up at all times.

Alright, time to go get ready for The Office. This is our favorite show. It it weren't for Michael Scott, I would think ESPN is the only channel we get. That's the only thing that is ever on in our household. Joe is obsessed. Maybe that's why I love The Office so much!