Friday, April 4, 2008

Is this as good as it gets?

The chemo is kicking my butt. I guess that's a good thing, at least we know it's working, but why does it have to make me feel so crappy? I didn't have the hiccups at all last night (we found out it IS a side effect, so they gave me something for it), but I still didn't sleep well. However, I did sleep well enough to not be able to fully wake up and take ibuprofen. I had to get a shot yesterday that's supposed to raise my white blood cell count, but it also causes severe bone and joint pain. My opinion of not sleeping well is probably what most people would call a very deep sleep. My "deep sleep" is more like being in a coma! Needless to say, I woke up at around 4 aching miserably. Hopefully I'll be able to help that with more drugs, but they said once it starts, it's hard to get rid of. Awesome.

I haven't puked yet, but I feel like I could at any moment. Sometimes even looking at food makes me want to. I went to the grocery store with Joe last night and I didn't think I was going to make it out without throwing up. I was able to force myself to eat 1/2 can of condensed chicken noodle soup for dinner (now I have enough salt to last me a year!), but that was it. I'm taking a steroid called prednisone which is actually supposed to make you crave and want to eat everything in sight, but that's not the case for me. And hopefully it doesn't become the case! I've gained 20 freakin' pounds throughout all of this. I know a lot has to do with all of the shots I had to take for the egg retrieval....and the fact that I haven't even walked for 3 months....but it's really starting to get me depressed. I know I can't let it get to me, it's only temporary (at least it better be), but I can't help but worry. It especially doesn't make since to me considering I hardly eat anything all day. Maybe that's the problem? Maybe my metabolism is on vacation?

My leg is starting to feel a lot better. I walked around a lot yesterday without crutches! By walk, I really mean more like a limp...and it takes forever to get to where I'm going, but I'm still going to count it as walking! My leg is so incredibly weak though. I've come close to falling many times and the doctor said I have to take it easy because it's so susceptible to fractures right now. The cancer has been eating away at it for months, so it's pretty weak. I'm going to have to start physical therapy soon. It's gotten so weak, I have to lift it when I want to raise it! Pretty pathetic.

Well, I think that's it. I was hoping I'd fly through this without any problems, but it doesn't look like that's the case. Oh ya, I also have a fever and my face is really flushed. My body probably hates me right now. Last week I took so many shots that my ovaries became the biggest they'll ever be and produced more estrogen than I'll ever have, and now this week I'm killing everything with chemo. I guess it makes since why I'm not feeling too hot!

Hope everyone has a good weekend! I read over my papers again and from what it sounds, the worst side effects don't hit until day 3 or 4 AFTER chemo. Wish me luck through the weekend!

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