Two more days...

Only a couple of more days until I have my first chemo treatment. I'm not feeling too hot today. I have to keep reminding myself that my body wen through a pretty traumatic procedure yesterday, but my leg hurts, too. Hopefully only a couple more days of the leg pain. I can't imagine not having pain! I'm supposed to lay low today. Since my ovaries are so big, the doctors are worried about OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome). I've only had a few of the symptoms so far, but I have to take it easy. If it gets bad, I'll have to go back and have another procedure done to help. Ick!

The embryologist called this morning to give me an update on the eggs/embryos. Only two of my eggs weren't mature enough to freeze, so they were able to freeze 18. As far as the embryos go, they have fertilized 18 and are waiting the 5 days to see which ones make it. She said she expects 9-10 to make it to freezing stage. I am still so amazed by all of this! I can't thank them enough for helping me through all of this. I'll be able to start chemo on Wednesday more at ease knowing I have so many frozen! They'll call after day 5 to give me the final embryo count. But so far, 18 eggs and 20 embryos.

Please cross your fingers that I survive my first day of chemo. I was reading all of the side effects last night and I'm not looking forward to it. I have to be in Portland at 8:30 on Wednesday and they expect chemo to last for 6-8 hours that day. My dad has been talking to a lady that's on the LCC Foundation board with him who has gone through this and she said that I have to think of chemo as my best friend. It's the thing that's going to save my life! It just so happens that this "best friend" doesn't care too much about me and does its best to make me lose my hair, get sick and feel miserable throughout treatment! I just have to keep reminding myself of what she says. It's all about attitude and starting Wednesday, when I have my first encounter with the chemo, I am officially on my road to recovery!

Third entry of the day....I'm just so excited!

We're back from Portland and I'm feeling pretty good all things considered. The procedure went great this morning. I was put to sleep, so I don't remember much. Apparently I kept saying how hungry I was and that I wanted to go to the Screen Door! Joe said when Dr. Bankowski came and told me how many eggs they got I said, "Holy schnikies!" Are you kidding me?! I haven't said schnikies since middle school! I don't remember any of that though and when he told me again later how many eggs they got, it was like I was hearing it for the first time. Pretty funny! Hope those are the only two crazy things I said!

Words can't describe how thankful I am for having the opportunity to do this. I'll be able to start chemo on Wednesday with a lot less worry of infertility. I can't stress enough how important it is for young women like me to be educated about options before starting treatment. The first doctor I saw didn't even mention it until we said something about it.

If you're someone who has just stumbled across this blog and you've recently been diagnosed with cancer (I sound like a commercial or something!), know that there are options out there for you! When I first heard that I had the nasty "c" word, the first thing that went through my head was, "I'm not going to be able to have kids!" NOT TRUE. Get help....it's amazing how people will reach out to help!

Here are the two websites that I am most thankful for and have great information about getting help:

http://www.oregonreproductivemedicine.com/

http://www.fertilehope.org/

They didn't fertilize the eggs until this afternoon, so I wont have pictures of the embryos until Tuesday or Wednesday. Some of the 48 wont make it to the next step, but from what the embryologist said, they all look very good.

Here's the picture they gave me.....the dark spots eggs. This is just a few of the 48. Truly amazing.

Mission accomplished!

Just got out of recovery so I'll write more later, but they were able to get 48, yes FORTY EIGHT eggs!!!

The big day!

Morning! In ten minutes we're leaving for Portland. The egg retrieval is today! At my appointment on Friday, I had about 20 follicles on each ovary. They're very intrigued by my response to the all of the shots I had to take. Especially since their average patient is about 35. They expect me to have lots of eggs! They will fertilize half and leave the rest as they are. They freeze them through vitrification. Vitrification rapidly freezes the egg in such a way so as to prevent ice crystals within the egg that could shatter the delicate structure of the egg. The eggs and embryos will then be stored in liquid Nitrogen until (or if) we need to use them.

Both "soon-to-be grandma's" are going with us. The dads decided to pass. :)

I'll post pictures of the embryos later! Looks like we'll be having a litter!

SO happy!

Yesterday we went for a third opinion with Dr. Craig Nichols at Providence in Portland. We decided to go to this appointment because the first two doctors had different treatment plans. We were told the risks of having too much chemo, so I wanted to make sure I got just the right amount.

Dr. Nichols said his treatment for my cancer would be 3 rounds of chemo followed by 4-6 weeks of radiation. He said that with someone young like me, having 6 rounds of chemo can cause permanent damage to the heart and increase my chance of becoming infertile. He said if 3 rounds didn't take it away, 6 wouldn't either, so more isn't always better. I really liked this doctor and I've decided that this is where I'll be getting treated. He was very friendly, personable and easy to talk to. Not that the other two doctors weren't, I just really felt comfortable with him. And he treated LANCE ARMSTRONG!! I think that's so awesome!

The nurse came in after he was done to look at my veins and they determined I wont need a port! Not even a pick line! They said I have very good veins and with only 3 rounds of chemo, he doesn't think it's necessary to have a port. YAY!! I was pretty freaked out about that!!

Anyway, I feel very encouraged. I haven't felt this good since before I found out I had the nasty c word! There's a light at the end of the tunnel.....and I'll be done with chemo at the end of April!! He even said I may not lose all of my hair! It will get thin, but since I have enough hair for 4 people, I may not even have to wear my super cool wigs!

My first treatment will either be next Tuesday or Wednesday. I really feel that I've made the right decision and look forward to getting on with my life. I'm so thankful that I was able to get to see Dr. Steinberg. He was the one who questioned 6 rounds of chemo, so if it weren't for him, I'd be getting poisoned for a lot longer than necessary!

George asked the doctor (yes, everyone in the family goes to all of these appointments!), why the doctor in Seattle suggested 6. Of course, Dr. Nichols said he can't speak for him, but he said Seattle is used to treating cancers that are more involved and a higher stage than mine. He also said that when he has tough lymphoma questions, he doesn't call Seattle, he calls somewhere up in B.C. because they're one of the biggest lymphoma places on the west coast. That made me feel good too.

Today I only have one appointment! It's another appointment at the fertility clinic (I've gone everyday this week). They'll do another ultrasound and see how things are looking. They called yesterday after they got my blood work back and said that my estradiol is over 3,000. That's the highest it will ever be! The follicles are getting so big! Joe and I have to be down there again on Sunday for the retrieval. Both of our parents are going to go too, then I think we'll celebrate the first grandchildren (there may be a lot!) after. I know that's kinda dorky and a little overboard, but we're so excited about this! It's been one of the only things thats kept me going throughout all of the other crappy cancer stuff.

Happy Friday!
Katie

Port of Katie

Hello! I only have two appointments today! All of this running around is really starting to wear me out. I'm anxious for my chemo to start and be on a regular schedule. Chemo once every three weeks. Hopefully I'm able to live a normal life between treatments!

Last night we went to the cancer class and once again, enjoyed it very much. The nurses are great and I learn so much every time! Although I'm the youngest person by 20+ years, it still helps to know that I'm not the only one going through this. One of the things I learned about was the port. Holy crap! I don't think I want one! I mean, I do and I don't. It makes things a lot easier (they only have to poke me once as opposed to several times each treatment), but it looks so creepy. It will be right below my collar bone. It's a surgical procedure, so I'll be put to sleep for it, but once they're done, it stays in until I'm done with treatment. It just creeps me out to know that it's under my skin. I've always been very squeemish (is that a word?!) about things like this. I can't stand IVs, I don't even like tags! How am I going to manage with a port for 5 months?!

Seattle called yesterday and they have me all set up for Monday. Here's the agenda:
9:00 am: Blood Draw
10:00 am: Appointment with doc
11:00 am: Port of Katie installed
2:00 pm: First chemo treatment

It's going to be a busy day. She said chemo should be done at around 8. I can't believe it takes so long! We'll probably have to spend the night up there on Monday.

My ovaries are really starting to be achy. They're getting really big. I feel like with every shot Joe gives me, they get a little bigger. I have another ultrasound and blood work today, but they seem to think the retrieval will be on Saturday. Poor Joe, he can't go to Whistler. :/

Alright, that's all for now. We're super busy and trying to get everything figured out. Only a few more days until I start chemo though! I'm scared, but also excited. I'll be able to WALK again! They said they expect the tumor to start shrinking within 24 hours of treatment. Yay!

GO COUGS!!!
Katie

Who do we listen to?

I went to another appointment yesterday with a doctor in Vancouver. Since Dr. Petersdorf said my treatment is "bread and butter" I thought I'd see what the guy in Vancouver had to say. It would be a lot easier to go to Vancouver than to Seattle all of the time. I thought yesterday would just be determining which doctor I felt most comfortable with. Wrong. He came in and had questioned everything the doctor in Seattle had told us. He doesn't seem to think I need to be treated as long, he wants me to have more biopsies, etc. We left feeling pretty dazed and confused. What do we do now? Who do we listen to? I don't want to have more chemo than I need, but I sure as heck want the cancer to be killed! After talking to everyone, we decided to try to get an appointment for a third opinion. On Thursday I'll be seeing a doctor that was recommended by another doctor in town (who also has lymphoma). I read a little about the doctor I'll be seeing and found out he was one of the doctors who treated Lance Armstrong! I thought that was pretty cool. We'll see what he has to say. Hopefully he doesn't have another different approach.

Whatever my decision is, chemo must be started next week. I can't wait any longer. I haven't gotten the results from my PET scan back yet, but it freaks me out to know that it's just eating away at me. I want it GONE!

I've been totally lethargic the last few days. The doctor increased my oxycontin from 40mg twice daily to 80mg twice daily with breakthrough oxycodone in the afternoon. Perhaps that explains the sudden tiredness. I sure hope so. My appetite is still on vacay though. Nothing sounds good, nothing looks good...I basically have to force myself to eat.

Well, I think that's the latest! I think I'm leaning more towards Seattle at this point. The cancer center I went to yesterday was really depressing to me. Everyone in the chemo area was just lined up chair after chair getting injected. In Seattle, I'd have my own private room with a bed and TV...sounds so much more comfortable, especially since chemo is pretty much an all day thing.

Please pray that my PET scan comes back clear. I've been very lucky so far. My CT scan was clear, my blood is normal....as of now, it appears to only be in my femur.

Thanks for reading my blog. It's pretty boring stuff, but I know everyone is curious as to what's going on. :) Thanks for the cards, prayers, flowers.....all of you mean so much to me and I wouldn't be able to make it through this without all of the support!

Love, Katie

P.S. I always get busy with all of the crappy cancer stuff and forget about the exciting fertility stuff!! I'm up to three shots daily now. Joe has taken over as my shot-giver and he's doing a fantastic job. Sue had to give me one today though, as for the next two days I have to have an additional one at noon. I have another internal ultrasound and more blood work tomorrow. It looks like the retrieval will either be Saturday or Sunday! Yesterday I had 20 follicles on each ovary. Each of those follicles have many eggs inside, so I'll have a very good harvest. That sounds kinda weird, but I guess that's what it is! They said they can take pictures of the embryos before they freeze them, so Joe and I will have a little memento and something to hang on the fridge! Pretty neat!

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter! Yesterday after our appointment at the fertility clinic in Portland, Joe, Subie (yes, the cat ALWAYS gets to come with us!) and I drove up to his parents house to spend Easter with them.

Joe gave me two shots yesterday! I told the nurse at our appointment that he needed to learn since we'd be out of town and I wouldn't have Sue to fall back on, so she just made him do it. I wanted him to practice first!! She just gave him the syringe and told him to pretend it was a dart. Nice. I was pretty nervous, but I knew if he tried to kill me, we were at least close to the hospital!! He did a great job, no problems at all! He's given animals shots in his animal science classes.....and he's artificially inseminated a cow....I think he's qualified to give me a shot! :) He had to give me the second one last night. He pushed a little too hard, so it hurt a little, but I suppose he'll get better as time goes on? Hope so!

The nurse at the fertility clinic asked if I would be able to wait 2 weeks (until I start my period), to start chemo. They want my ovaries to go back to their normal size before I start treatment. She said if I can't wait, no big deal, but I want to do everything possible to protect them! I can start taking prednisone once I'm done with the fertility stuff and the doctor said that would take away most of my pain. I just don't know if he'll want me to delay chemo any longer. We'll see.

My pain level is about a 7 1/2 this morning. A little lower! I got yet another prescription for stronger oxycontin, so I hope it brings the pain way down.

We'll be having a big Easter thing at 2 and Joe's aunt and uncles, then we'll head home. I'll be wearing my Adidas pants. My leg is so swollen, my jeans don't fit right on the right side so it's really uncomfortable. Good thing my Adidas pants are my favorite outfit to wear!!

Happy Easter!

This is a picture of Subie on our trip....he's sooo good in the car!!

Happy Birthday, Grandma!

I know she'll never read this...being that she doesn't have a computer and probably doesn't even know what the Internet really is...but she still deserves a shout out for her birthday! She is the best grandma ever! Whether she's making dinner for Joe and I so we don't have to worry about it, or getting prayer chains started at her church, she's always there for me when I need her the most.

Today is on the "worst days" list. Like I said before, I've remained strong throughout all of this, but I just feel like I can't take it anymore. I've only cried three times since my first appointment with Dr. Conrad. The first was the day of my diagnosis. After we left, my sister called Shirley to tell her what we found out and had to give the phone to my dad because she started crying. The two of us sat in the back of the Sequoia and cried and cried. The second time I cried was last night at the cancer class. We had to go around and introduce ourselves. I was the youngest person there by about 20+ years, and when it was my turn I said, "I'm Katie, I'm 24 and was diagnosed with lymphoma about 2 1/2 weeks ago." I wanted to say more, but I couldn't. I think that was the first time I've ever said that out loud, and it really hit me hard. This is real! And I can't help to think that it's just so unfair that I'm going through this at such a young age. A lady came and talked to me and said she's ok with it because she's lived a long, happy life. My life has been happy, but definitely not long enough! The third time I've cried is now, as I write this entry. I'm scheduled to go for my PET Scan, a test that costs $5,000 tomorrow. I know it costs that much because at around 4:30, I got a call from the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance saying that my insurance had denied the request for the test and in order to have it, I need to bring a deposit for the $5,000 charge. Excuse me? This has been set up since Tuesday and the insurance company decides 1/2 hour before closing that they can't let me go? It's disgusting! Every doctor I've spoken to says I have to have the scan before I can begin treatment and the insurance company is denying me? It's crazy.

All afternoon was spent on the phone with the insurance company and people in Seattle. I just got a call at around 6 from my care coordinator up there saying that she's 99.99% sure Health Net will take care of it. She had to call and talk to the director and have him reverse it. If this was the first insurance battle, it wouldn't be that bad, but I've been dealing with them from day one. I think the stress of that is enough to make me even more sick!

I have to eat a no-carb dinner tonight to prepare for the scan tomorrow, so Joe is making us Mahi Mahi and sugar-free raspberry jello. Yummm. I have to fast for 12 hours and my test will begin at 9:30 tomorrow. I have to be hooked up to the IV for about 2 hours and on the table for about 42 minutes. I will be injected with RADIOACTIVE SUGAR. How cool is that?! Please pray that the scan comes back free and clear of cancer!!!

Love, Katie

P.S. The IVF stuff is going great!! I had another internal ultrasound today and I have lots of eggs. I've been getting shots twice a day. Joe and I both had to go down today for tests. Everything is progressing just like they need it to. Egg retrieval will be either next Friday or Saturday. We're going to have little frozen embryos!! I think that should count as the first unofficial grandchildren. :)

Ughhh.

The past three days have been the roughest days I've had yet. My pain was more than a 10 Sunday and Monday, and yesterday and today it's only down to about an 8. I don't know what's causing all of this, but it's really starting to freak me out. I've remained strong throughout all of this, but the last few days have been more than I can take. I thought I was going to have a break down last night. I was in so much pain and to top it off, I had to have two fertility shots! Joe was going to be my shot giver, but at the last minute he decided he couldn't do it. He was so close....I had my eyes closed and was waiting when he said, "I just can't do it to you." He said he could to it to himself, or anyone else, just not me. So then my mom had to call Sue and she ran up and gave them to me. I think she's going to be the shot giver for the next 10 days. I felt a lot more relaxed with her. Even though I know Joe could do it, I just feel more comfortable since she has experience.

I'm miserable again today, too. I can't wait till I start chemo and this pain is gone!! In about an hour, I have to go up to Sue's house so she can give me my next shot. I have to have one in the morning and one at night for the next 10 days. Yipeee. :/

I get exhausted and cranky thinking about all of the appointments I have the next few days. Tonight I have a cancer class from 5:30-8, tomorrow Joe and I both have to be at the fertility clinic at 8:30 for more tests and on Friday I have my PET scan in Seattle at 9:15. We're trying to decide if we should go up tomorrow or just leave really early on Friday morning. We're worried about getting stuck in traffic if we wait till Friday! I haven't heard exactly how long the scan will take, but since they have to give me an IV, I'm sure it wont be any shorter than 4 hours.

On Saturday I have to go back to Portland for more blood work. I have an appointment on Monday with an oncologist in Vancouver. A couple doctors in town recommended him, so I hope I can go to him for chemo. I can't imagine driving back and forth to Seattle....I'm exhausted just from all of the trips to Portland!

In other news, I think I want to shave my hair now. Why wait? I love my wigs! And it's so hard to do my hair....I can't stand that long and by the time I'm done I'm worn out. Why suffer? I think I should just go get it done!

Alright, time to go lay down and get ready for my shot and next dose of meds that I need so badly right now!

Yay!

I'm writing this on my iPhone in the car on our way to Portland! I get to start IVF today, so that means only about 13 days until I can start chemo! I'm still in a lot of pain, about an 8 on the pain scale, but this is something I have to do. I would be so depressed knowing that there's a 15% chance I'd become infertile. I've suffered this long, I can make it a little longer.

Seattle called yesterday and they want me to start chemo right away because the pain has gotten worse. From what the nurse said, they don't think I should delay it much longer. Thank goodness I get to start IVF today!!!

I had to stay at my mom and dads last night. Joe came home from work sick yesterday so I couldn't be around him. :( They said the worst thing that could happen right now would be me getting sick. Have I mentioned how much this sucks?! I'm rockin' my short wig today...I couldn't make it up the stairs at their house to shower or do my hair! We'll see if anyone can tell!

Have a good day...and please cut me some slack for the typos (dad, kim!)... I'm on my phone!

Katie

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

I had to stay home from work today because I wore my only green shirt to the JH Kelly party Friday! Hahaha, just kidding. I wish that was the case! I'm at home today because I can't move. I am in so much pain, I can hardly stand it. I was really bad yesterday too, but I thought I would wake up better. No such luck. I am getting so frustrated/angry about this. I have a huge supply of drugs including oxycontin and hyrdrocodone and it's still not helping. Today it's not even taking the edge off. I kept waking myself (and Joe) up last night crying because I was in so much pain. Dr. Bartlett told my dad that the pain I have is very similar to having a broken bone! I don't know how much longer I can take it! I hope my period comes today or tomorrow so I can get on with this. If it comes today, I'll be able to start chemo in about 13 days. I can't wait! I'm sure that sounds crazy, but I've been dealing with this pain for almost 3 months now. Dr. Petersdorf said that after I start chemo, the pain will start to go away. Chemo will probably be a piece of cake compared to what I've been going through! I just don't understand why I'm hurting so bad. I've been in pain the entire time, but nothing this bad. Is it spreading? What's going on? It's so scary.

Joe got home at around 8 last night. He went skiing at Crystal for the weekend. When I tell people this they make a funny face like they can't believe he'd leave me alone for the weekend. Just so everyone doesn't think he's a horrible boyfriend, I wanted him to go! Everyone needs a break (including me!) and he's had this trip planned for a long time. It makes me sad when he's just sitting around taking care of me. I feel more normal when he goes and has fun! And besides, it gave me the opportunity to go wig shopping with my mom and sister on Saturday! :)

Hope everyone had a good weekend! Please pray (or whatever you do!) that my pain will go away and I can make it back to work tomorrow and be able to wait 12 days to go through IVF before starting treatment! At this point, I don't think I can.

Wigs!

We went wig shopping and it was very successful! My dad ended up buying me two. I've always wanted to have long, straight hair, but because my hair is so thick/curly/crazy, I've never been able to. So, I bought a long one and a short one. Here they are!

Bald is.....not beautiful. Not to me, anyway.

Today we are going to go to Portland to hit up a few wig shops I found online. I probably wont buy anything, I'm just in the looking stage. It should be interesting! I'm just getting ready to spend about 45 minutes blow drying/straightening my hair. Every time I do this, I wonder how many days I have left of this. From what I've read, it only takes about 2-3 days after starting chemo for hair to fall out! I should be at PALS getting my hair done right now, but I decided to cancel my appointment. What's the point since it's going to be falling out? Maybe they'll give me a complementary shave instead since I've gone there my entire life!

I wonder if the hair on my arms will fall out? And my legs? I'm hoping that I'll have 5-6 months of not having to shave. No hair to fool with, no legs to shave. I'll be able to get ready faster than Joe in the morning! Put my wig on and go!

Hope everyone has a good weekend!

Good news and more good news!

Hello! I'm back home after two very busy, yet successful days of appointments. Yesterday I had an appointment with Dr. Bankowski, a fertility doctor at Oregon Reproductive Medicine. He's an awesome doctor and I feel very fortunate that I was able to get in to see him. He was very informative and basically told us all about the process of freezing eggs. It's a fairly new thing, so there's not much data regarding success rates, but for someone in my situation, it's a good thing to do. Luckily for me, my period should be starting any day (sorry if that's too much info for all the guy readers!), so I will get the process started very soon. As soon as my period comes, I have to go back to Portland and get the process of IVF started. They're bi-passing a lot of the other tests and medications because of my situation. My process will take about 12 days total. I'll have to have Joe give me shots twice daily. I'll be taking Repronex and Follistim. It wont be a very fun 12 days, but totally worth it. On day 12 of this, the egg retrieval will take place. I'll be put to sleep for that and it will take about 1/2 hour. Some of my eggs will be left as they are, some will be fertilized so I'll have embryos to freeze. The success rates of frozen embryos is much higher, so Joe and I think it's a good idea to do that since we want to have kids after we get married. I'm so excited about this! Normally IVF treatment costs about $12,000 and insurance doesn't pay for any of it. I got an e-mail from the doctor today though and they're only going to charge me their cost. I am so thankful for that! We were going to do this regardless, but that's so nice of them! And for the $2,500 we have to pay, we found out about a program called Fertile Hope. Basically it's a program for people going through cancer and it helps pay for treatment if you're in jeopardy of becoming infertile. I meet every qualification, so we don't think I'll have a problem getting assistance. I feel so fortunate/lucky/excited about all of this!! I left that appointment feeling so good and relieved!

As soon as we got home from Portland we packed up and left for Seattle. My appointment was at 8:30 this morning, so we thought it would be best to go up last night. I met with Dr. Petersdorf at the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. I have diffuse large cell lymphoma which he said is one of the most common and is very treatable with a 90% plus cure rate. He said that there's about a 15% chance that it would cause infertility, but thought that getting all of the freezing done is a great idea. Better to be safe than sorry! My cancer is intermediate grade which is the best. As far as staging goes, from looking at the scans I've had so far, it appears to be Stage 1. Again, this is the best. YAY! Although it's stage 1, he said he'll treat it as if it's stage 4 so my treatment (chemo/radiation) will be very aggressive. That's ok, whatever kills it, right?!

He said the treatment is "bread and butter" so I can have it wherever I want. Problem is, the soonest I can get in with the oncologist in Longview isn't until the end of March. I don't want to wait that long! It's totally my decision as to where I want to be treated, so I think I'm leaning towards Seattle. I really like it up there and since my chemo will only be once every three weeks, it wont be that bad to drive up there.

Hmmm, I think that's about it. I'm sooo exhausted, but so excited that we've had two days of very exciting/encouraging news. I'll be able to have kids and I'm going to live to be an old cranky lady!!

Alright, time to go watch WSU beat Oregon with Joe and Subie. GO COUGS!

Thanks for all of the continued prayers!

Love, Katie



Below are pictures taken during my biopsy. It's probably totally against the rules to post them...I had to take a picture of the picture to be able to do it. The top one has a good picture of the tumor as they were taking a sample. The second is the crazy looking tool they used. Pretty amazing!

Stupid bone scan!

Seattle called today regarding my bone scan. They can't get me in before my appointment with the oncologist on Thursday morning, so I have to stick around after the appointment and have it at 11:30. I thought it would be no big deal until she said, "...then you'll be ready to leave at 3:30." WHAT! I asked what she meant and she explained the process. Go at 11:30, get hooked up to IV, have crazy stuff injected into me for 3 hours and then have the scan. Awesome. After my experience with Juan, I hate the word IV. If I see him walking toward me with the needle, I'm afraid I'll have to pass. "Little poke, little poke" is all I can think of! That was a very traumatic way to start this journey being that needles/IVs are going to be a major part of this recovery process!

Other than getting the bad news that I'll have to have an IV, everything else is good. Actually, all is good except for the fact that I'm totally exhausted. And I don't have an appetite at all. The thought of food makes me want to barf, but I have to force myself to eat so I can take my pain meds. The new medicine Dr. Bartlett gave me is working a lot better. I have days that are better than others though....and today was a bad day as far as pain goes.

Thanks to all of you who are following my blog! It's so nice not to have to repeat what's going on 50 times a day! :)

I have my appointment with the fertility doctor in Portland tomorrow at 2 and then we're off to Seattle. I'll write more then!

Night! See what i mean? It's just a little past 8 and I'm going to bed....and I've been asleep on the couch since 7. Pathetic!

I was looking through old pictures and found the one below. This was in 2003 after I flipped my QX4 three times and had to rush to the ER to visit Wayne. If I can survive that, without even a bruise, I can survive anything!! I sure am good at stressing my parents out though! ;)

Monday

For once I don't have much to say! Joe and I had a great weekend. We went to Portland on Saturday for the Winter Hawks game. I won tickets at the Clary Christmas party and kinda forgot about them, so we thought we better use them. First we went to Costco (we have enough toilet paper to last 20 years now!), REI to get Joe new ski poles and then we had dinner at 360 Pizzeria before the game. The game was a blast, but I was totally exhausted when we got home and all day Sunday. All day yesterday I felt like someone was stabbing me in my chest. I think it's from crutchin' it too much. The walk from the parking garage to the game to our seats was VERY long. At least I'm getting some physical activity though!

I worked again today, which felt great. Dennis even got me all set up so I can access my work computer from our home computer if I need to get stuff done and can't make it in. It's not really necessary now, but I'm sure I'll have my bad days after treatment gets started. I feel so lucky to work for such a great employer!

I guess I was wrong when I said I didn't have much to say, huh?! Whoops! I guess I might as well continue now though! :) Joe's going skiing this weekend at Crystal. I'm so jealous! Oh well, I have many ski seasons ahead of me. He's way better than me now anyway. My favorite runs are like the rope tow to him now! I think I might ride the Amtrak up there on Saturday evening. I just need to get away, if even for a night. It's faster to ride the train (if it leaves on time) than it is to drive....and it's only $21! I can't drive now anyway, so it seems like a good option, then I can just ride back with Joe on Sunday. The big JH Kelly party is Friday. I've been looking forward to it for a long time, but I don't know if I'll feel much like going. We'll see. I guess it doesn't take a lot of effort to sit around and socialize all night!

Ok, that's all. I'll leave you with a slide show I made. We just now got our photos uploaded to our computer! Enjoy!

Making progress

I'm another day closer to my appointment at the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance! My biggest concern right now is fertility. Within the next 5 years I'm almost certain I'll be married and be thinking about having a baby. Unfortunately, chemo and radiation often cause infertility. If there's even a 10% chance that it would cause that, I want to be proactive and do something before.

We got two names of fertility doctors in Seattle from Dr. Henderson, but for now I scheduled a consultation appointment at Oregon Reproductive Medicine. http://www.oregonreproductivemedicine.com/

If the oncologist says I can wait longer before starting treatment, I will have to start fertility treatments and harvest eggs. I believe this process takes about a month, so radiation might have to be delayed, but the pain I have now is nothing compared to how I'd feel knowing I could never have kids. It's pretty cool that they're able to do this and I'm excited to talk to the doctor next Wednesday at my appointment. My sister sent me an article about it: http://www.oregonreproductivemedicine.com/Press-Release-female-fertility-preservation

Now that I'm going to the fertility appointment before the oncology appointment in Seattle, I'll have all of the information from the fertility doctor to take to the oncologist. I don't want to wait any longer for answers, I want them now!!

People always ask me how I'm doing. The answer is, I'm not really sure. I think I'm in shock. When I write in this or talk to people, I don't really feel like I'm talking about myself. It just doesn't seem real! But it is, it's very real, so for finding out I have the "c" just five days ago, I'm doing pretty good. I mean, I get flowers every day, people are always calling and stopping by to visit....life is good. :)

Much love, Katie

Happy Friday!

It feels so good to be back into a routine! After today, I'll have three days of work in! Although they aren't full eight hour days, I'm still getting a lot accomplished. At the end of the five hours I'm SO tired. I'm hoping that will start to go away and I can make it a full day soon.

I went to see my primary care doctor, Dr. Bartlett, yesterday afternoon. He lives across the street from my parents and recently took me on as a patient since my doctor left town. He was so caring and helpful!! He sat and talked with me about everything for at least a half hour. He's going to work with the cancer clinic in Longview to get me an appointment with the oncologist here just to see what they say about everything. I have so many questions! And although UW is the #6 cancer clinic in the US, if my case isn't as serious as they had thought, it would be nice to get treatment down here if everything is the same as up there. Radiation will most likely be once a day for 5 minutes or so. I can't imagine us having to go to Seattle every day! We'll see what they say. I would want them to do the same treatment as UW and Dr. Bartlett said they would come up with their own, as oncologists don't like to be told by other oncologists what to do. Crazy....it's gotta be an ego thing!

Dr. Bartlett gave me new medicine that should make the pain level go down to a three eventually. It's longer lasting so I don't have to take it every four hours. I took the first one last night before bed and it made it really hard to wake up this morning. I'm glad it's the weekend and I'll have time to adjust. He told my dad that the pain I'm having is the equivalent to having a broken leg!

I'm looking forward to the weekend. Joe and I are going to try to make it to the Winter Hawks game tomorrow in Portland. I won free tickets from work and with everything going on, we've totally forgot about having them....and there's only 2 games left. Whoops! I want to do as many things I can these next few weeks because I really have no idea what kind of condition I'll be in soon. Hope for the best, plan for the worst.

Happy Friday!

B-Cell Lymphoma

I just got a call from the oncologist patient coordinator at the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance in Seattle. My appointment with the oncologist doctor is set for next Thursday, March 13 at 8:30 am. I wont start radiation that day, it's just a 90 minute appointment talking about my cancer, treatment, etc. When she called yesterday, I asked if she could tell me exactly what type of lymphoma I have. There are so many types, and Dr. Conrad didn't really say. I think that's the oncologists job, but I wanted to know more. At first she said she wouldn't be able to tell me, the oncologist would have to, but today she said I have B-Cell Lymphoma. Whatever that means! Actually, I've been researching ever since she called and I've read a lot about it. I found out that B-Cell lymphomas make up about 85% of non-Hodgkin lymphomas in the US, but on another webpage I read that lymphoma in the bone is typically the Stage 4. Thanks for the info, Google. :/ We'll find out more Thursday, but keep praying that this is only in my femur!!

I worked 5 hours today!! I'm pretty proud of myself. I woke up feeling like I'd been hit by a truck and didn't think there was anyway I'd be able to make it in, but I had Joe drop me off at 8 and I worked up until 1. I'm pretty exhausted now though, but it felt so good to be back into the swing of things. It makes me feel like I'm normal again!

Thanks again for all of the calls, prayers, e-mails, flowers, cards. It's amazing how much support I have!

I'm not alone!

Mom and I went to the Diamond Showcase to get our jewelry cleaned and get new backs for my earrings and as soon as Dan saw me in a wheelchair he came and asked what was going on. I told him all about it and he gave me a website of a girl who is a couple years older than me but has gone through what I'm going through---except she had a very large brain tumor. Although her condition was much more serious than mine, it is so encouraging to read about other peoples situations. I'm definitely not alone in this! http://www.christinaahmann.com/ She has a pretty awesome website, too. I think I need to upgrade from this free blog and create something more personal!

I went in to work today for the first time since all of this has happened. I remained strong until I saw Cindy and then I lost it. It's such an emotional time. It doesn't help that everyone wants to know what's going on and I have to repeat the story 384782 times, but I know it's just because they care. Although I'm still in really bad pain, I'm going to work tomorrow. My goal is to make it all day, but if not till 5:30 at LEAST until 1. I can do it! There's so much to do I wont have time to think about being in pain!

We talked to Dave Wright, a radiologist and neighbor of my parents tonight. He told my mom that he thinks since the lymphoma is already in the bone it's probably in a few other areas as well. Very discouraging, but I'm going off of what Dr. Conrad said with it just being in my femur until the bone scan says otherwise.

One last thing: as soon as I got home and out of my wheelchair tonight, Joe jumped in. He's mastering the art of wheelchair wheelies. Here are some pictures. I must admit, he's getting pretty good. I just wish he'd start wearing a helmet!! :)

Hey cancer, you picked the wrong bitch!

That's the t-shirt I ordered last night. My sister and I saw it online on our way back from Seattle and we thought that one fit me pretty good! I want to get the "Fuck Lymphoma" one, too. I just hate the f word. Even though I feel like screaming it over and over, I just don't know if I could wear it. I wouldn't want to offend anyone. But it's oh-so-true. Fuck you cancer!

For those of you who haven't heard, yesterday, March 3, I was diagnosed with lymphoma in my bone. Very rare for it to be IN the bone, but that's where it is. Dr. Conrad said it's very treatable and said it's one of the best cancers to get, but still....I have f'ing cancer!! How did it happen? They have no idea. How long have I had it? About 3 months....which is when it first started becoming painful. Thank goodness for the pain. So many cancers are silent, causing no pain or discomfort, which is why by the time it is found it's spread everywhere. I have to have a bone scan next, but he said my CT Scan showed no other cancer in my chest/tummy. So unless the bone scan shows differently, I only have it in the femur of my right leg.

I'm waiting for a call from the cancer doctor this morning to find out when I need to be at UW next. I will have to receive radiation for about 6 weeks and then chemo for up to a year.

I stayed strong throughout the appointment yesterday. No crying, nothing. I think I was in shock. I hardly slept at all last night though and when I woke up the first thing I thought was, "I can't believe this is true!" I want so badly to just jump out of bed and go to work everyday like everyone else! Instead I'm bad pain and feel miserable! Dr. Conrad said the pain should start to go away once radiation starts, which will be sometime next week. I can't wait until I can walk without using crutches, go shopping without having to be pushed around in a wheelchair. I never realized how much I took all of those little things for granted until this happened.

Anyway, that's about all I know. I'll know more when the cancer doctor calls. Dr. Conrad said I'll live to be an old lady so that makes me happy. :) He also told my mom that I will be able to give her lots of grandchildren. I think that made her feel a little better about everything. He also said it's not me he's worried about, he's worried about her. She's taken all of this very hard, but then again, we all have. She's just my mom and expresses herself differently I guess.

When he mentioned the part about me having a baby, my sister asked if radiation and chemo will decrease my chance of being able to conceive. He said the cancer doctor will talk to us more about that, but most likely, they will have to harvest my eggs for future use. My biggest fear is that chemo and radiation would make me not be able to get pregnant. Hearing that they'll take the eggs out before was very assuring. I can't imagine not being able to have kids because of this!
Thanks to all of you for the support and encouragement throughout all of this. I know I've said this a million times, but it means the world to me!

Funny picture of the day: Joe got pooped on under the Banyan tree in Lahaina while pushing me in the wheelchair. Better him than me!

Holy shit, I have cancer!

I'll post more when I'm at the computer, but I have lymphoma in my femur. He said its the best I could have gotten, but is any cancer good?

P.S. I think it's appropriate to get the "Fuck Cancer" shirt I saw online now!