Ughhh.

The past three days have been the roughest days I've had yet. My pain was more than a 10 Sunday and Monday, and yesterday and today it's only down to about an 8. I don't know what's causing all of this, but it's really starting to freak me out. I've remained strong throughout all of this, but the last few days have been more than I can take. I thought I was going to have a break down last night. I was in so much pain and to top it off, I had to have two fertility shots! Joe was going to be my shot giver, but at the last minute he decided he couldn't do it. He was so close....I had my eyes closed and was waiting when he said, "I just can't do it to you." He said he could to it to himself, or anyone else, just not me. So then my mom had to call Sue and she ran up and gave them to me. I think she's going to be the shot giver for the next 10 days. I felt a lot more relaxed with her. Even though I know Joe could do it, I just feel more comfortable since she has experience.

I'm miserable again today, too. I can't wait till I start chemo and this pain is gone!! In about an hour, I have to go up to Sue's house so she can give me my next shot. I have to have one in the morning and one at night for the next 10 days. Yipeee. :/

I get exhausted and cranky thinking about all of the appointments I have the next few days. Tonight I have a cancer class from 5:30-8, tomorrow Joe and I both have to be at the fertility clinic at 8:30 for more tests and on Friday I have my PET scan in Seattle at 9:15. We're trying to decide if we should go up tomorrow or just leave really early on Friday morning. We're worried about getting stuck in traffic if we wait till Friday! I haven't heard exactly how long the scan will take, but since they have to give me an IV, I'm sure it wont be any shorter than 4 hours.

On Saturday I have to go back to Portland for more blood work. I have an appointment on Monday with an oncologist in Vancouver. A couple doctors in town recommended him, so I hope I can go to him for chemo. I can't imagine driving back and forth to Seattle....I'm exhausted just from all of the trips to Portland!

In other news, I think I want to shave my hair now. Why wait? I love my wigs! And it's so hard to do my hair....I can't stand that long and by the time I'm done I'm worn out. Why suffer? I think I should just go get it done!

Alright, time to go lay down and get ready for my shot and next dose of meds that I need so badly right now!